It's in the water...

People are getting engaged like I get bit by mosquitoes. It's been happening left and right it seems. Just tonight I see two friends from college got engaged, and it was even on the news. I'm happy for them. I go to wish someone a happy birthday on facebook later on this evening, and sure enough, she too..engaged within the past week. Just like one of my best friends Justin. This past week, him and his lovely fiancé  Angie took a limo ride around Lexington, ate dinner, and at some point he dropped the words "will you marry me" and of course she picked those words right up and put them on her finger. I admire his style by the way. He asked her father. Something I want to do as well, and will do.

Now I'm sure this probably already sounds a bit bitter of me. Me, a single 25 year old man with one year left in college. One has to think "what about me, when is my turn?" Perhaps there is some animosity in my attitude, but hopefully not much. I'm thrilled to death for all of my friends, and the new chapter in their life God is starting. I pray for them, and wish them the best on this new grand adventure they are going to undertake together, and hopefully till death do them part, and not anytime soon at that.

I believe the count I've started for friends and relatives who are about to tie the proverbial knot, who already have said their "I do's", or just got down on bended knee is up to 13 (couples) now just for this year and in the past few months just for clarification; and to show the magnitude of this situation I'm observing. It's getting out of control, and I want to hop on this bandwagon too, license in hand ready carry her through the threshold! Somebody slap me, quick.

Now please realize I'm not that eager to go running down the isle with the next woman I meet. I've got standards and principles. "A man's gotta have his principles." Talking over coffee with a good friend of mine the other day John Follman, this subject came up. He is a Christian, has a beautiful wife who is a woman of God, and four darling children. He said "she was married to Jesus before I married her," and that's what it all goes back to. I want that. And with God fully at the center of it all.

I read a book online recently, "A Guys Guide To Marrying Well". Good stuff, and Biblically sound. Intentionality is only one thing out of many it spoke of. It's up to the man to make the first move and initiate his intentions. How else is he going to be the spiritual head of the household if he can't even lead into a conversation where his feelings and intentions are expressed. A man must also guard his heart, as well as the heart of the woman involved. I'd like to think the Lord has instilled a much stronger confidence in me about all of this through this book, and from his Holy word. God probably wont grant me a burning bush and a flashing sign saying "this is her, ask her out", there is no faith in that. Paul says "we walk by faith, not by site."

This book shares a story, of which I'll paraphrase, about a man and his 88 year old grandfather who is a retired pastor. On the subject of women the grandfather points to a passage in the Bible. Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." The old gentleman points and says "Finds. It's a verb." Of course we don't want to put the cart before the horse, in this case running ahead of the Holy Spirits leading. "Only after prayer and careful consideration should we proceed." But we cannot sit around and wait for God to drop her into our lap.

The strangest thing has started to happen to me recently, I find myself wanting to play with the "youngins" of friends I have at church. Not that I was afraid of small children before and ran from them out of fear of not knowing how to interact, I would just like to attribute it the lack of resources to. I was an only child, though this has gifted me with an immense imagination. Okay, and maybe a little fear too. Last year a friend of mine told me she and some other female friends on summer project thought I'd make a wonderful father. I've heard this a few times recently as well, along with making a wonderful husband. As of right now, I feel like these are probably some of the most encouraging and delightful compliments I can receive. Of course when I do finally have the chance to put a ring on my best friends finger, and we say our "I do's" there will not be a rush to bring life into this world. We must spend time together, just us, getting to know each other more and on deeper levels of intimacy. 

But when that time does come, I will certainly look forward to adventures in the back yard, rides on my shoulders of which they are the prince or princess of the world, first days of school, art projects, trick-or-treating, camping, fishing, lots of other things as well,  and most importantly telling them about Jesus. I will be the earthly father for them I never had. I'd like to give a shout out to all the single mothers who have raised boys and girls to become men and women of God. Thanks mom, and I love you dearly. Thank you for loving me how you do, making the sacrifices you made, and sharing the love of Christ with me.

To wrap up this water glass of thoughts the realization of what a husband does, his role as the spiritual head of the household, has become more apparent to me as I read, observe, listen, think, and pray. The song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real comes to mind, I've been hearing it a lot lately on Air1. The positive alternative. The last half of this song has become a prayer of mine. I'll share it with you.

"So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone."



-Jason

I've been saving thoughts, now it's time to deposit them.

So I sit here on my bed laptop at my finger tips wanting to spill my guts, but hold some back due to the fact that it would be too incoherent aside from jumping topics like skipping rocks. But here's to rocks on water. This week I've grown closer to my friends at church. We've grown closer as a whole. We're a small group and I like that. It seems the college kids now outnumber the youth, but there are really no more than 8 of us aside from the soon to leave youth pastor's three kids. The inner desire to serve the Lord more has come upon on me. Slowly I see how I can with what skills I have right now, though some is speculation for now.

Rewinding to "a day without shoes" on campus I walked barefoot like others in support of Toms shoes or the shoeless around the world. Talk about walking a mile in another mans shoes, or in this case the lack there of, I did. For the first time I saw with my feet. I became aware aside from my previously weak sympathy for children without shoes. The rocks, glass I tried to avoid, puddles, and mud that my feet met first foot. I felt just a glimpse of pain many do day after day going barefoot. I want to make a change for people somehow, either through bringing them shoes or showing them how to make something to protect their feet along with sharing the Gospel.

Air 1 recently had a Blood Water Mission thing of which the band Jars of Clay started a mission to drill 1000 wells in countries where people need fresh water so they don't have to be subject to disease and forgo school toting water that's still unclean. I've realized when the city messes up the water system here and it occasionally tastes like dirt I hate it. I can't stand it. Though other people walk miles upon miles just for a few gallons that you can't even see through. I see where I've been selfish and how well off I am just to be in the US. But my recognition is not enough, I need to do something more. I want to help people somehow. Not just to give them shoes and clean water, but to give them something so that they wont thirst any longer. That's the love of Jesus Christ and His powerful message. I want to serve the Lord the best I can, and I find myself at a stand still as far as these ideas go. I guess I'm to slowly build up to such the level. I'm sure there are other tasks I'm to complete or trials to go through before I come to complete fruition for the time being, but I want the next step.

Back to the youth and our mission stuff we've started this week, I got to play guitar for them. The only song I know. God of Wonders. Even then it was a bit broken, but as I sat there and played, listening to them singing praise I wondered if I were to ever become a youth pastor. Fellow teacher friend mentioned it to me a while back asking if I ever thought about it. I don't think I'm supposed to, I mean it's probably a fleeting thought, but if God wants me to do such I will. But just playing that one song as best I could makes me want to learn oh so much more so I can honor God through the strums of my guitar. Regardless if I ever become apart of some praise band and headline for Switchfoot, this idea and once goal of mine became so much more real for the first time.

I feel as if my posts are muddled and jump subjects a lot, that for some reason I should be more focused on what I write, but it's good to get it all, well that stuff at least off my chest and into virtual la la land.

Thanks God for being so holy and loving me like you do.

Figuring out His plan.

So I had applied to a summer project with crusade. I procrastinated on raising support. I'm not going now. Was it the will of God for me to not venture of to NYC or have I missed out on a part of His plan? I do need to catch up on a few things this summer and get a job so I may have an apartment in the fall. On the flip side of things I get to spend time with my mom; work with the vacation bible school at my church of which I've been appointed drama director and costume/set designer; and work on my photography/art. That last sentence was a stretch of longness. My grammar skills are failing ha.

So as the pressures around me motivate me to get a job, pay bills, and climb out of this small hole I've managed to put myself into I realize that I said farewell to the responsible me I used to know a while back. It's like an amnesia that clouds my mind of what happened. I just kinda stopped being on top of things. If I want to make it in this life I must seek God's plan for me. It's time for me to be the good steward, in fact great steward I should be with God's money He has so graciously given me. I've asked Him to help me use the talents He's given me to honor and glorify His might name. A friend of mine prayed, and told me he felt led to purchase me a very expensive camera. I'm still in shock about this. I needed this to fulfill a job I had lined up, and now I've been provided with this. Thank you Lord! I don't want to disappoint you with this provisions you've given me. 

Perhaps this summer I'm supposed to realize more who I am, and what God wants for my life. I'm open to your will Lord. Please give me the discipline, wisdom, discernment, and vision to follow your will Lord. This is my fervent prayer. I've been out of your will before and it's not a good place to be. It's the most cluttered emptiness there is. Like a man being drawn and quartered, he's pulled in every direction until he's ripped apart and dies. What is your will for me? I can't help but think of the many possibilities there could be. Will I become a teacher of art who does mission work on the side? A business owner? I'd really like to own several on the side. How will I change the world for you? Will I go into full time missions traveling the globe showing the world what you are doing through the lens of my camera, and sharing your priceless Gospel? Who is my future wife? How many children will I have? You've given these desires to me to become a husband, father, teacher, photographer, business owner, world changer, and missionary. How will these desires fall into place I ask myself and you. As if you were to tell me just like that, what fun would it be. I'm sure I couldn't handle knowing it all right then anyway. None the less you've given me these thoughts, ideas, desires and I want to make the best of them. Please equip me to do so. Lead me in your paths of righteousness. Let my cup that's overflowing lend to others cups through you Lord, so that they too may be filled. 

Lately I felt less of a drive to find "her" "the one". Am I coming to terms that it's in your time or am I giving up or fooling myself into thinking I have? Am I getting lost in you to the point I don't worry about such? I feel different about it but I can't quite put my finger on it. I've slowly learned what I want in a wife. First and foremost she must love you Lord with all her heart, as I must as well. Everything else are just smaller details it seems compared to that. I can't help but think of who she might be. Have I met her already I wonder often. Will she literally take my breath away? Is it a girl I currently would like to get to know better? What will our story be? I hope it's a good one, but that's probably the movie fan in me, though I read that can it just leave an unfulfilled idea in ones mind. But through you Lord I know it will be better than anything I could ever imagine. Let me be the best Godly husband I can possibly be to her, guide me with her Lord, and prepare me to take care, support, love and protect her. Thank you.

Let me be a great father Lord, and spiritual head of the household and lead my future family with you at the helm of this ship. I remember my friend Dusty saying he prayed for his sons to be warriors for you God. I want that too Lord. Let my children be followers of you, fierce leaders of your name with love, compassion, and a drive to share the Gospel in whatever paths you have for them. Let them be warriors for you Lord. I didn't even intend for this post to turn into a prayer for you Lord, but I'm glad it has. I feel as if it's much needed. A cold drink of water after a long journey through a hot dry desert. My glass can only spill what it contains, so please fill my glass with your love and holy, honoring, shameless things Lord.

Your son,

Jason

The end is near...

So I have officially had my last day of class until the exam for EDF 319. The end of the semester is at hand, and that hand has smacked me in the face. I will probably not sleep for the next week due to lots of art projects to start, tweak, and finish up. Ceramics, painting, and metals oh my. Oh yeah, other non art classes too.

I must prevail. I will prevail. I shall prevail!