An attempted "Date" perhaps

So I sit hear at a friends house with music blaring and the floor shaking. I'm silent in this arm chair with a laptop warming my legs. I'm switching thoughts like the popping of corn. There is a game of beer pong in the corner, and I'm completely sober. No booze for me, it's better that way. My thoughts are entangled in confusion, curiosity, and sobriety with a hint of other emotions slightly grated over the top; then shook in a bowl thoroughly mixed together. One though continues to surface though.

Over project, I grew closer to the Lord, and in knowledge about being a Godly man. Not that my ways of pursuit towards the opposite sex were wrong, they just needed tweaking. Catching my eye, and mind I wanted to get to know her more, and with a one on one setting. So i prayed. I got in the word. Sought wiser council, and waited. I got the green light, or at least I wasn't shown a red one. I mustered up the courage and went for broke. I chose the ice cream option. Simple, tasty, and not overwhelming like dinner could be. I made my intentions clear, and said I wanted to get to know her better and that I'd like to take her out to ice cream. I guess you might go as far to say this could've been a simple "date". She seem interested enough, and spoke of prior plans earlier in the day with her D-group, but would call me to do such afterwards with me.

Mistake number one. I should've kept the ball in my court, or at least said I'd call her at a specific time; after her prior engagement, this might have abated my confusion.

I cleared my afternoon, eager, nervous, and elated with this chance to get to know her a little better. I wait. I wait. I started a movie, and I wait. Nothing. At a certain point I was to meet my family group, also including her, to go out and eat one last time. I felt distant at dinner. My mind wandered with thoughts of "did she forget? was this a passive no, not to hurt my feelings? miscommunication between us?". I'm not mad by no means at all; just seeking clarity, but slightly disheartened by the situation. So after dinner I decided to make attempt number two, perhaps a refresh of our would-be plans. Ice cream after we returned to the hotel. Given the situation I asked when hardly anyone was around, not wanting to make it awkward for her just in case. Still with interest she answered, but obsticalces appeared along with a constringent weekend of time. "I just don't think there will be time" she said. But never a definite no. I'd like to think I'm fairly intuitive about such things as this, but much gray area was colored in.

I encourage all females to try and be honest with a guy, not brutal, but just honest, it makes things easier for bother parties. I understand not wanting to hurt a guy, especially if he's a good guy, you can't help it if you're not into him in any way, but by not definitely saying no, creates the awkward "2nd asking" and prolongued strangeness for the girl and guy alike.

After this point, I noticed she tended to shy away from me. I felt as if I made her feel strange, or awkward, and I hated that if that was to be the case. On a happyier note, I could always make her laugh, and what a great laugh and smile she has. I'm tired, and should go to bed. I'm sure if you've read this far, you probably don't want to anymore...maybe.

Keep it real, and be brave with a hint of boldness.

My heart for sharing

(Written last night, but the laptop died before I could publish it.)

It saddens me to share with non-believers and for them to be held back in some way or form from accepting Christ. I know it's God who tugs at their heart, and it's only my job to share His word with those around me and at the ends of the earth. The Great Commission. I can at least hope that the seeds I've planted tonight, and for ever on will be watered soon, and given sonlight to grow; to take root in a nourishing soil; and become fruitful in life. It's amazing how sparse traffic is at 3:00 in the morning, and when you decided to share the gospel every noisy car, truck, and beater decides to go for a drive. Almost like an opposing force was trying to keep me from it.

I will sow what they have reaped

When I returned home I was given the poignant site of where trees stood no longer on the port side of my humble abode. The apartment complex beside my house shared a nice row of shielding trees, but alas no more. What once used to be a literal jungle when I was a youngling, has slowly dwindled into just a few tree around my house. I've a plan...a plan so sinister, and so full of it's own virtue they will wish they'd never seen a chainsaw nor the trees that encased my house. They might have won the battle, but they certainly won't win the war. I happen to love trees, and they just cut their last one down. I will plant as many trees as it takes to build an impenetrable fortress of green. Not just the second class trees that stood tall before lumbering over our two story house, but trees of majesty and elegance. Perhaps a few mighty Maples, mixed in with some Oak, Tulip Poplar, and Cherry trees. I would at this point in time plant a Mimosa tree, I've always wanted one, along with my mom. But when in Rome, I'd plant several. This earth day vengeance wouldn't be complete if I didn't plant an orchard of fruit trees. These would have to come in pairs for pollination sake, if I wanted fruit worth eating at least. Apples, peaches, and pears oh my! I should go ahead and put up a small vineyard in the back as well. I will sow what they have reaped of my preciousness.

I will write some more shade for you to read under later, fair well and hug a tree.

Summer sorted out

Hello new blog. I've missed the soothing thoughtful spill of my mind into the internet with the slight chance for someone to read. Xanga, you were my first. Here's to you blogger.

God gave me the opportunity to apply to Daytona Beach Summer Project in early May. I was accepted, and He raised 3000 dollars for me in one day. I was, and are still in awe by that. It was definitely meant to be that I spend ten weeks in Florida with Campus Crusade for Christ. I learned so much about myself, others, leadership, and grew closer to God.

I feel as if a passionate fire has been set inside my soul by God, and will not rest until it's set my campus on fire next. I used to be a Christian who said they cared about others, yet didn't make a move to share the love & word of the Lord as he did for me. Perhaps my lack of knowledge held me back, but that is all in the past now. I stepped out on faith, and God truly showed me just a glimpse of what He can do.

Though I was not elected as a leader on this project, I learned greatly from it. In my past experiences of being vice president of this club, and president of that I gained some knowledge. But given the back seat I saw leadership from another view, and how I will enact it in my future endeavors with a quick to listen ear; slow to speak tongue; and a heart after God's heart...among other smaller qualities.

I made so many friends; true brothers and sisters in Christ. Here's to Club DBSP '09 (raises glass). I pray for Gods protection and guidance over them all, and for His infinite wisdom to fill their minds. I honestly cannot wait for college to start back, and to get settled inside my little room. A new dorm; roommate; view of college; path; outreach; kitchen; obstacles; opportunities to glorify God; outlook on life has been laid before me. I await its challenges, love, and mercy to grace me, and fully enthrall me in it's presence.